Everything I know about Advertising, I learned from TV

Here are a couple of things I learned from TV about advertising and design.

You can enhance anything.

I learned that no matter how low-res, grainy, gritty, dark, dim, blurry, fuzzy or unclear a security camera photo is, just say the magic words, ‘enhance this area’ and you’ll get a TIME Magazine-worthy shot of the murderer/ terrorist/ thief. Security cameras, long-range photos, night shots, partial images, no job is too big for ‘enhance’, just ask the staff of 24.

Another favourite term is ‘zoom in.’ Extra points if you accomplish this using a voice command.

Reality: If the information isn’t there in the pixels (the image’s dots) there’s nothing much we can do. Photoshop is a wonderful tool, but even if such magic software existed enabling you to make visual information from no visual information – it would be being misused by the US Government, and not readily available to plebs like us.

People just stand around in groups looking interesting.

We’re so hip and so cool we’ll all just stand around here, each gazing thoughtfully (or not), in different directions. Sometimes we’re not gazing, sometimes we’re looking tough, or thoughtful, or troubled, or jubilant, or intense, or we’re trying to look ‘normal.’ Thanks to Twilight and New Moon, when I turn vampire I know how to stand around in a group looking all moody.

Reality:Generally, multi-person images and posters like Snatch, The Usual Suspects, The Matrix etc are all composited. Every person is shot individually, not all together. So think about that next time you book a photographer for an ad, maybe shoot items individually.

You can find anything at all on the Interwebs, Chloe on Smallville does it all the time.

So you want a photo of a child holding a lit deya while 20 people in the background are also lighting deyas? No problemo! You want a picture of ethnically-diverse children wearing T&T colours playing in the National Stadium? No problemo! What’s that? Papa Bois, you say? No problemo! I’ll find it on the Interwebs!

You say you want to take this grainy low-resolution image I found on the Interwebs and make a 15ft banner out of it? No problemo! I’ll just say – enhance this area!

Reality: We live in a country only just now embracing digital media – chances are we designers can only find the most generic of images online. Even if we did happen to find a photo of Papa Bois it would probably be copyrighted. If you want local or authentic flavour, plan and schedule a photo shoot. Images on the web are designed to be as small as possible because they need to be downloaded quickly, so don’t rely on them.

Anyone can be a designer/editor/marketer/advertiser, especially if yesterday you were 12 and today you’re 36.

So, like, yesterday I went to bed a 12 year old and today I woke up a successful 36 year old toy designer. Funny how I didn’t wake up a civil engineer, or a neurosurgeon, or a air traffic controller. Those jobs are hard. Anything in design is easy. So easy even a 12 year old can do it, right? Creative types play with crayons all day, they move a paragraph from the left to the right – no biggie.

Reality: Creative work is hard. It may not be a matter of immediate life and death, but it is serious work. In given piece of artwork, the designer has probably moved around the elements 30 times. In any piece of copy, a copywriter has probably rewritten it 20 times. Account executives have checked and double checked, liased and interfaced, pushed and prodded over 10 times. So yeah, no biggie.

Have I missed anything?

Oh yeah, I really like how on TV some people can see you once, Ok? And the next time you see them, they’re drawing a completely accurate portrait of you! FROM MEMORY!

Anything else you learned from TV about advertising or design? Add to the comments.

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